XebelRebel posting some things here now.

So my offer is still open to her. I'm not gonna take it back (and I'm gonna do my best to keep her and a small number of other people young and safe, because I can't help doing this).

I feel pretty depressed, but I'm OK. I was crying shadebefore. I accidentally Columbined her home town even though I wasn't angry or anything. It was actually Columbine (I never knew that it was in her home town). I feel like crying again now because I feel that if I admit this horrible thing that happened in the past because of my feelings, then if there's even the slightest chance that she might still want to get to know me... I feel that her knowing about this is gonna scare her away forever. This is what it's like to be me. I know that it might seem insensitive talking about it in the same sentence as talking about a kids' movie -- but it's like Ruby Gillman bursting into tears when she was a giant kraken, then stretching out her tentacles to wipe the tears away from her eyes and accidentally destroying a bunch of people's homes (or worse) and being like "Oh sorry!" (And genuinely meaning "Oh Sorry!" not that it helps things very much.) I was searching for some information to try to make sense of things, in a bit of a tearful state -- and that's how I found out about Columbine, late in the evening after going to Rapp's cafe twice hoping she was gonna be there.

Maybe this kind of thing is what I wanted to explain, when I felt it was so important and necessary to admit that I'm Cindy from Stargirl, Candy from The Thundermans, etc. When I said that I'm "evil". I'm not evil, but my feelings do all sorts of things and some of the things I do I find funny and enjoy doing -- even if it's sort of accidental or impulsive and regrettable. But some of the things I do, like Columbine and most things like that, I don't find funny and basically can't help doing. I decided to say "the things I do" and not "the things my feelings do" because when it comes down to it, it's me doing these things but in a kind of non-humanoid form like a conscious universe that's hard to explain to humans and it's not fair to judge me by human standards when I'm doing these things like that (compared to the things I do as this weird girl I am, typing this post for the forum now). The things happen because I want them to happen, but I only have to want the things to happen for a very short time and then they've already happened. I'm constantly creating the world and things like "history" as I'm looking at stuff, hearing stuff, reading stuff -- so I have to come up with a story in a rush, and saying that I use my feelings for inspiration is one way of putting it. It's hard to analyse and understand how I create the world because I'm already creating it again now, and still creating it, and still doing it now. I just keep doing it. There's not much time to stop and figure out how I'm doing it! Stuff happens. :(

Obviously you weren't there which is good. I hope you believe you're safe and that you can do anything and be safe. Please don't die.

Sooo -- I also feel that maybe you liked the "serious impressive me" that I always wanted to project at this forum, before. And I feel like you might not like the real me. It's pretty funny (and sad) that my feelings desperately arranged for the first picture I posted to be me doing a "serious impressive face" -- even though you can still see my skinny arms and skinny body. You can see my veins though... to suggest that I'm hugely muscular or something (maybe with the help of a little mind control), but if you measure the proportions you can see that it's not true to an absurd extent. LOL! It was supposed to be a suggestively sexy look that I was doing into the camera, but it came out as a "desperately trying to look like a buff man" look. "I am terminator." LMAO.

I dunno if the Chelsea Van Der Zee/Nerissa reveal has been very good for my relationship prospects with the sort of people I actually wanna be with. Like, the sort of people I actually respect. I figure that you're one of them... I hope you are, anyway. I mean people who are strong enough to stand up to the mafia and cults and all of those horrible people that act like they own all women and girls, and who try to force them to do all sorts of things because they want it to look like women and girls always have to be second to a man... to try and make it look like women and girls can't ever have real power, or actually be important (just "fake important", with everyone who can see what's going on getting the nasty message loud and clear). I hate those people so much and I'm gonna beat them. I'm gonna beat them myself if I have to, just this zany little girl on my own. But I was hoping you might want to throw in your lot with me and then I can throw in my lot with you too -- even if you're not very nice, because I don't care about that (in some ways it might make it easier for me, because of less pressure to seem like I'm super nice when I'm not... although I try to be). But if you're a saint, then that's great too! :) All I want is for you to be strong and decide to fight these people with me and win, for ourselves -- which I'm saying like that because there isn't an "us", although I wish there was obviously -- and for all women and girls. And also have fun doing normal things too, whatever you want as long as I can do my superheroine and little girl things. That's basically what I wanted.

I don't hate men, or at least I don't wanna hate men. I keep doing self-directed therapy to view stuff with men in on TV. I wanna be able to have a group of mixed-gender friends, not be some sad man-hating angry lesbian in a world full of men. I HATE patriarchy though, and not gonna do self-directed therapy to be OK with that.

I just wanted you to find me attractive enough to come and find me, go on a date with me, then hopefully shack up with me (or me shack up with you, LOL, however that works). I wanted you to think like "The Matrix" and know that no one can touch you -- that you're totally 100% safe -- and then think "I'll go and be with Victoria then", because it's meaningful or something. Hopefully because I'm hot and interesting and fun.

Hey, look at this. I made this website have a picture of Nerissa that makes her look super nice and friendly, like she's totally good and not evil at all. :P Isn't that funny? I made her look like my "Elsa as Reign" figurine that I posted a picture of in a thread I started on this forum. The figurine was supposed to be like Reign as a superheroine instead of a villain.

https://dreamworks.fandom.com/wiki/Nerissa

Does that make me seem nicer? :)

I hope you've seen the movie (Ruby Gillman). I went to see it with the people I used to call Mum and Dad. I begged them to see it with me, basically... because they didn't want to go at first, when I asked them. They thought it was just a silly kids' movie and not something that they would ever want to go see. But I needed someone to see it with me at the cinema, because it was one of the most important things that I ever created with my mind. I explained a lot of the little (and obvious) details of what it all means, quite loudly, in the cinema. This woman with her young son gave me such a dirty look as they were leaving the theatre at the end, when I was still loudly explaining stuff during the credits -- like what some of the names mean in the credits. Ryan Reign Ruiz, LOL. There's a Ryan Delaney and Ryan Lang in the credits too (all references to Reign from Supergirl and Lois Lane and Lana Lang). Ryan sounds like Reign, see? Like Reign Reign Ruiz. :) Because I'm Reign.

That's what the "There is only Nerissa!!!!" thing is about. ("The face of death!!?!") LOL! It's me saying I'm actually evil, even though I'm not -- because I feel like a monster. Like the evil Reign from Season Three going around killing everyone even though Sam and Ruby are this pretty normal mum and little girl (both supposed to be me, looking after myself since I don't have a real mum).

A lot of the other stuff in Ruby Gillman is just me saying that I'm a lesbian by saying the same thing I said lots and lots before about wanting Wonder Woman to ditch Steve Trevor (and literally kill Steve Trevor by shooting him in the face and not saving him so he drowns as well, LOL!) But I don't care about all of that compared to wishing to be able to get with you. My feelings basically turned the movie into some big pitch for you personally to go to the prom with me -- with me being Reign/Cindy, and you playing Supergirl but actually being you and not the character -- and then shooting me or stabbing me with a trident or something insane like that, because I have a vagina and I can't help wanting this in nonsensical symbolic ways. Maybe in nonsensical symbolic ways because I'm actually like giant girl blob or kraken or whatever, and not a human. Sorry about this! :) I hope you like me. Here's that picture of me as a cartoon character looking nice again.

I'm in the movie maybe more accurately (?) as the girl eating a stack of burgers. You're the more amazing and pretty version of Nerissa (because the characters can represent more than one person), and you're the black lesbian girl with the fringe who asked "Kayla" to go to prom with her.

Wow! I guess everyone hates me, LOL. "The movie was considered a catastrophic failure, only becoming DreamWorks Animation's lowest-grossing movie seven weeks into its run in theaters." I only just found out about this. Wow that sucks. That hurts a lot actually. Humans don't like me at all. Not trying to get sympathy or anything, LOL! But seriously, I thought it was the best movie ever. I went three times to the cinema to see it, and I still wanted to go again. :(

I guess they don't like me because it's "Yah, Way" not "Yahweh", huh? :) No wayyy? Yah, way! Like totally yah way!

I was like, don't be gay sweetie. I totally can't handle this right now. And then I was like, humans be good, OK? Like, why don't any of you like me? Is it because of something I said, or did??

So I was saying about Ruby Gillman. You can figure out the Flash references, I guess. One of my favourite bits is the mangled piece of metal that flies out of the sort of underwater vortex thing where the trident is located. When the mangled metal crashes down on the ocean floor, that's supposed to be like Captain Kirk dying in the movie Star Trek: Generations. It's not that obvious though, but it makes me laugh a lot. "Now we know what the problem is..." No one listens to me though! I'm throwing tablets at you now with stuff written on them, you dweebs! Look, I'm here! :) My commandments are make this character and that character lesbians in movies and stuff, and make them win and the men be losers and silly. WTF?! Am I not making this clear enough to you people????

OK, so obviously it was an accident... that big thing that happened a couple of years ago now. I admitted that I was responsible for it, and it wasn't about movies or TV shows or anything like that. And I gave my very best effort to stop it which I wrote about here in lots of posts. I'm just joking about it because it's funny and no one seems to like me anyway. Humans don't want me even though I was super good before, trying to help them even with all the PTSD and everything. It basically wasn't my fault even though it was my fault. *shrug*

So, I hope you think this is funny anyway. It's kind of ridiculous, isn't it? The whole thing? Me. The world. Disaster. LOL!

The Uncle Brill character is in the movie because I thought that the idiots might do a last minute edit of Ruby Gillman to try to deny that magic is real and that I'm making them look dumb. Like to try to say that they're in control of everything, LOL. So Uncle Brill shows up like this stupid out-of-place ugly character (as if his character design isn't even finished, like bad half-assed CGI) and then in one scene he leaps in front of the camera at a "crucial point" to blow one of those party things and shout "The Kraken!" as if he's trying to ruin a big moment for me. Hehe!

Do you think it's funny that your Overgirl costume has two lightning bolts on it? Like as in "two lightning bolts are faster than one" kind of thing? Or is that not funny anymore because it's Nazi, and the SS was real and all of that. Did you ever say "Why are you putting the symbol of the Nazi SS on my costume? Isn't that not allowed anymore?" I love it though. I'm not a Nazi, but I think that's your best costume and I love how mean you look when you do your acting like that. I just wanted to say that. I hope that's OK.

I wrote lots of notes for when I got around to posting about Ruby Gillman here, but most of it's just boring stuff about Wonder Woman. Me saying boys make me sick, but girls don't make me sick. I know, right! Isn't that terrible? Like, it was actually an accident and I wasn't trying to kill everyone because of some movie thing -- but I guess I'm not above hinting that I actually was trying to kill everyone over a movie just in case they take it seriously and do a lesbian thing for me. I'm sorry about my feelings doing these awful things. If this happened with you, please just know that you're safe -- believe it completely, because I love you even though that's kind of ridiculous since I only met you once from a safe distance -- and recognise clearly that you don't have to do what they want. I'm not gonna come and track you down and make you be with me. And they can't make you do anything you don't want to do. The worst they might be able to do is be intimidating and make things awkward and difficult: I'm pretty sure that's all I'll let them do. So do what you want, OK? :( I'm crying, LOL. Please be with me though.

I'm not gonna go to Rapp's so often like I was doing this week, because I don't want the bar staff there to start thinking I'm a prostitute. I'm slightly concerned that they've already started thinking that. I go there fairly often to eat meals alone, but I don't usually sit looking at the window for an hour while checking my phone. LOL.

I said the dumb thing in the movie too "Lucky for me mermaids don't age." She says it in this absurdly to-the-point way, to mock the mafia. I guess it's supposed to be to mock them or whatever.

So yeah. I'm just gonna keep being me. I know I ought to shut up because I said I'm not a stalker or anything. I made myself available all week by walking around a lot and being at the cafes and stuff. I just don't have anyone to talk to about any of this. I can't see a therapist like The Flash movie suggested (LOL), because I can't trust them or myself to not try to force me to believe that I'm "normal". I guess I need to talk about my feelings and all of these things, so I am doing it. Sorry about my feelings constantly trying to give you bunches of flowers in popular culture if you don't want them. As I said, I'm just gonna keep being me. There are other websites. I think I'm doing OK.

The reason that I needed to ask you to go on a date with me in the first place is because I wanted to protect you, which I hate feeling because I'm not King Kong. This girl on the bus stretched her arm out sitting next to me, and it was kinda like she was putting her arm around me like a girlfriend. I was like, "Wow, that felt amazing. It must be great to have someone just put her arm around me like she owns me or something, whenever she wants and feel safe and loved like that in normal situations in public." but I shot her a nasty look because she was a stranger and I wasn't sure if even she was trying to harass me or something. It was weird. She said "Sorry..." mumbling as soon as I looked at her nastily. Obviously I'm not gonna accept random girls putting their arms around me just because I'm lonely, LOL. But yeah -- the point being I'm not King Kong. But I have to fight the mafia and beat them, because I'm Faora and other girl characters and they basically raped me in front of the whole world to try to put me in my place so now they... you know? I don't know what's gonna happen or how big and nasty my war against them is going to become, so I had to contact you. My feelings pushed me to do this before I even recognised what was happening, and then I felt it A LOT. So that's some sort of explanation for why, and why now. You are safe though, stranger. Take care.